Two years ago, I felt my heart really broken, and to disguise myself from the criticisms of others, I put on a mask. Apparently because I want my friends not to see how I'm truly hurt. I don't like worrying them. That's why whenever they ask me questions, I'd say, I'm okay, Nothing's wrong. But deep inside, I'm screaming mad.
That was two years ago. In that span of time, I learned how to fabricate lies and life taught me how to be hard. There's nothing for me to lose and I have laid down my cards. That was only my option, to go on with my life without looking back. it's hard. No words can really describe how my spirit went down. I smile but I don't mean it. I saw things in its negative side. There's no hope for me and later on, I forgot how to laugh with my exasperations coming out in its thickest cloud.
Why am I feeling so much pain? That's because I loved a lot. I gave my heart and my life. Exaggerating, but true. You'll never know, because in that instant, I surrendered myself to him. That was the first time I saw myself in someone else's shoes, not noticing how I do stupid things to make our "relationship" work. Coz, there's nothing in there but assumptions. At first, It felt right, being next to him. We were so compatible and into each other. We take oaths and everlasting promises. We confessed everything and talked about anything. We laughed and stayed late at night with our YM's and phones. We were so inseparable.
They say good things don't last. I don't believe it. Because I know this will last, we will last. But hey, I have proven wrong. He walked out of my light, without saying a word. And there I was, stuck at the moment. Two years and I was still in pain. I'm not capable of laughing and trusting others. I shut myself out of people's sight. Because I don't want to get hurt again. And I can't show off the tears that I've been hiding since the day he took my life.
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I had a best friend in elementary. His name is Miguel. I enjoy teasing and bullying him. Maybe because at that time, I feel comfortable with boys around me. You see, I'm boyish. I enjoy things boys my age do. He's a skinny little kid who is always at my side, and we're the best buddies who ever lived. Our mothers are friends and we share common interests that's why we got along too well. I'm only the girl in the class who can make him really cry, and because I was enjoying the honor, and the power, I keep on nagging him and do the teasing. I must admit, I feel very bad, looking at him, knowing that I'm the reason behind those tears. But because I was a kid back then and nothing matters to me except enjoying every moment that's passing, I care less.
One thing that bothers me is, in spite of my wrong doings and cruel acts on him, he still keeps on calling me his best friend. It feels kinda creepy, because I'm not an ideal best friend and after what I've been doing to him, he's still beside me, offering friendship. He's too kind to have me as his friend, and I feel worst about it.
We got separated on our 4th grade, because I transferred to another school. And we got some serious financial problem.
After 9 years, while I'm at my desk, reading *Financial Accounting 2*, my mother asked me if I remembered someone by the surname Buhay. In that time, I'm not in the mood for talking because I was too occupied by the book I'm reading. I just shrugged my shoulder and said, "I only know one. Miguel Luis is the name" Just then, my mother laughed, saying "That's him! His surname's Buhay. Isn't it?". "I don't know. I can't remember" is what I replied. "Better search for his name on Facebook." is what my mother suggested. Because I was too irritated by my mother insisting me like a sissy on a boiling pot, I turned on our pc and logged on to my account. I admit, at that time, I was cursing on him. "Why do I bother searching his name?! Who the hell is this man?". As I was typing his name, memories started to flood. Now, what will I do if I ever saw him again? Without doubts, I clicked on Add as friend. I was shocked to see that we have a mutual friend, a block mate of mine who happens to be one of my closest friends in class.
After all those years, we found each other again. We talked like old friends do, and it feels good. To have a new name on my contacts list to talk and text to, and a new face to chat with at Facebook. Well, at least I got a new friend. That'll do. I mean, now that I'm getting a change of life, our friendship's a good start.
