Do you believe in ghosts? :O

I can't say. But I'm too scared of them :|

Ask and Ask. I'll answer honestly =)

Written here is my PAIN.

Two years ago, I felt my heart really broken, and to disguise myself from the criticisms of others, I put on a mask. Apparently because I want my friends not to see how I'm truly hurt. I don't like worrying them. That's why whenever they ask me questions, I'd say, I'm okay, Nothing's wrong. But deep inside, I'm screaming mad.

That was two years ago. In that span of time, I learned how to fabricate lies and life taught me how to be hard. There's nothing for me to lose and I have laid down my cards. That was only my option, to go on with my life without looking back. it's hard. No words can really describe how my spirit went down. I smile but I don't mean it. I saw things in its negative side. There's no hope for me and later on, I forgot how to laugh with my exasperations coming out in its thickest cloud.

Why am I feeling so much pain? That's because I loved a lot. I gave my heart and my life. Exaggerating, but true. You'll never know, because in that instant, I surrendered myself to him. That was the first time I saw myself in someone else's shoes, not noticing how I do stupid things to make our "relationship" work. Coz, there's nothing in there but assumptions. At first, It felt right, being next to him. We were so compatible and into each other. We take oaths and everlasting promises. We confessed everything and talked about anything. We laughed and stayed late at night with our YM's and phones. We were so inseparable. 

They say good things don't last. I don't believe it. Because I know this will last, we will last. But hey, I have proven wrong. He walked out of my light, without saying a word. And there I was, stuck at the moment. Two years and I was still in pain. I'm not capable of laughing and trusting others. I shut myself out of people's sight. Because I don't want to get hurt again. And I can't show off the tears that I've been hiding since the day he took my life.

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I had a best friend in elementary. His name is Miguel. I enjoy teasing and bullying him. Maybe because at that time, I feel comfortable with boys around me. You see, I'm boyish. I enjoy things boys my age do. He's a skinny little kid who is always at my side, and we're the best buddies who ever lived. Our mothers are friends and we share common interests that's why we got along too well. I'm only the girl in the class who can make him really cry, and because I was enjoying the honor, and the power, I keep on nagging him and do the teasing. I must admit, I feel very bad, looking at him, knowing that I'm the reason behind those tears. But because I was a kid back then and nothing matters to me except enjoying every moment that's passing, I care less. 

One thing that bothers me is, in spite of my wrong doings and cruel acts on him, he still keeps on calling me his best friend. It feels kinda creepy, because I'm not an ideal best friend and after what I've been doing to him, he's still beside me, offering friendship. He's too kind to have me as his friend, and I feel worst about it.

We got separated on our 4th grade, because I transferred to another school. And we got some serious financial problem.

After 9 years, while I'm at my desk, reading *Financial Accounting 2*, my mother asked me if I remembered someone by the surname Buhay. In that time, I'm not in the mood for talking because I was too occupied by the book I'm reading. I just shrugged my shoulder and said, "I only know one. Miguel Luis is the name" Just then, my mother laughed, saying "That's him! His surname's Buhay. Isn't it?". "I don't know. I can't remember" is what I replied. "Better search for his name on Facebook." is what my mother suggested. Because I was too irritated by my mother insisting me like a sissy on a boiling pot, I turned on our pc and logged on to my account. I admit, at that time, I was cursing on him. "Why do I bother searching his name?! Who the hell is this man?". As I was typing his name, memories started to flood. Now, what will I do if I ever saw him again? Without doubts, I clicked on Add as friend. I was shocked to see that we have a mutual friend, a block mate of mine who happens to be one of my closest friends in class.

After all those years, we found each other again. We talked like old friends do, and it feels good. To have a new name on my contacts list to talk and text to, and a new face to chat with at Facebook. Well, at least I got a new friend. That'll do. I mean, now that I'm getting a change of life, our friendship's a good start.

FINISHED :)

Drum roll please..


YEY! This week's officially over! Stress no more! Haha.

My two accounting midterm tests truly can define the word "D-I-F-F-I-C-U-L-T".

But anyway, God's with me :)

Am I dying? :))

Ugh! Normally, I enjoy Saturdays. Damn! But because of my tests tomorrow, I'm down :|


My books are hard to look at these times, because I'm not enjoying it as much as I enjoy them weeks ago.


It's kinda boring to read it at the nth time, but is still not registering right in my head. It's like I know how to solve them, but I'm too panicky because I'm all confused with the information waiting to be analyzed in front of me.


How I wish I could answer my tests without panicking. 

I'm sorry if I worry or bother you with my previous posts about my tests. It's only for today. Please be patient. I'll be at my normal when this week ends. Oh! I can't wait. Now, I'll have to take hold of my books again and try my best. My determination keeps me high as you see. :)

My mind goes ------------

Midterm week sure feels HELL!


I'm not done reviewing for our two major exams this Sunday but my head's loaded and I can't think of anything else but to rest.


My mind literally goes cramming again this time, I can feel myself panicking as I read and try to solve problems in my books.

I wish they'll retain. Sigh.




Now, I'll have to trust my God and His will be done. I know He got superb plans for me, but for now, I'll be back in front of my books, I'm just out here making my second day post and sneaking at my Facebook account. To see if I got notification I'm excited to have. But I expected too much again. Haha. 


Oh yeah, so I'm thinking too much now. Ugh. Brain damage's calling. 

The finest mode to succeed the exam is simply by permitting your intellect to flourish knowledge enthusiastically.

I will think of this quote as my luck mantra .------


I hate how to feel pressured by the  people around me, expecting and thinking of how I should act and how I ought to be. I know its kinda selfish but I don't like dictating tongues. They make me feel strangled and fake at the same time.


They say it's for my own good. But, Come on! I'm a big girl now, I have my decisions as much as I have the right to command my own ship. I know my confidence is bad but I know I can handle walking in my own red stiletto heels.


I wish they will learn how to trust me, so that I could trust myself even more.

I wish I got real powers.

I have a friend who is down today and asked me if I could help make him smile. Interesting, eh?


When I was a child, someone asked me what power would I like to have.


I know my answer's impractical or insane, but my best-est ought to be, I would love to have the power of making people smile and laugh their hearts out. Cheesy but, TRUE.


It's not everyday that you find yourself stuck between people with the saddest face and the instant they hear you speak about inspiration will you put up their smiles again and their spirits high.


Someday, I want people to say hi whenever they meet me, or approach me 'coz they want to talk about something they wanna share with me. Whether it's bad or something good happening to them. 


Oh!, I suddenly remember one of my favorite childhood books, Little Miss Sunshine. I always read it at our school library and I do made my mom buy me one. Whenever I feel gloomy, I simply turn this book, not knowing it got me inspired later on in my life.




It's not easy being the clown. I know how it feels. You need to look happy because someone needed your smile. It's good how I taught myself how to hide what I feel from being the Miss Sunshine of my friends and my family. And I'm scared that one day, I just can't draw the line between my feelings and playing my role.

My ideals are democratic and I wish to fulfill them. I wanted so badly to make a difference. And in that note I can say that I'm one of those hopefuls who want to dream with the world :) 

My first.

So, this is my first day in this Blogger.com thing.

I feel ignorant because of its alienated features but thanks to Google, I'm totally equipped with info about using this site. Please bear with me :)

I'm making this because I'm so pissed off by that former blog site of mine which is awful to use because the net's crashing every time I try to access it, and for my part, as for I'm too opinionated for an accountant, I want my blog site to be handy, at least.

I want to try this site and if I find this cooler than Multiply.com, I'll be using this site as my primary online-diary.

Enough for this entry, 'coz I'll be Google-ing some more useful tips in personalizing my blogger.

CIAO.